having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
