Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
