You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
