Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
