Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
