You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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