this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
