dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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