don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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