if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
