Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
