I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
