How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
