I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
