It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Someone came in the potted fern
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
