I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
