If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Can you bring me the toilet please
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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