I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
