Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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