Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
