he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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