sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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