they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
