walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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