She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
