In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
