I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
