I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
