Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
