I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
