Pappa wants mamma naked
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
