you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You can't special order awesome
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
