Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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