That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
