South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
