And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
