"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
