Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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