so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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