Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
