I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
