We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
