For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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