Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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