if you like me you must not know who I am
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
