Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
