Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
