We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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