i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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