I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
