I'd wear matching sweaters with you
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
