a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This house was built for laser tag.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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