If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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