sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
