Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
