found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
