Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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