I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
