actually, I'm a sock model
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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