watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
