I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
