Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
