she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
